Most of us never have to entertain such a concept-why would we be a source of idolatry? From the morning paper and coffee to the end of our quotidian work day, nothing generally occurs that sends us shooting into public consciousness. We have neither need nor call to examine a life outside of the relative privacy and anonymity most of us retain. How could such a life seem anything but glowing and enviable?
I am certain that I have rambled on these matters before, in some fashion. Yet they still plink about in my brain like a tiny pinball. Is the life of the entertainer really so empowering? Or does it effect the opposite-does is perhaps stifle and silence the deepest and most genuine humanity of the artist? We spend so much time belaboring our own voices as the flock, what of the voice of the shepherd?
Is it only through the music he can truly speak anymore? I just don't know....we don't know. There's so many sounds hovering in the air, sometimes such a din that one has to step away and reconsider their own role, their own voice-and whether or not they are capable of hearing everything and everyone or if they must fashion some space, for the sake of self and others.
Do you have space, our dear artist? Do you have silence when you need it, or is the noise always looping and crackling like an old record in your mind? Was it always there, or only since you became adored? If so, my deep apologies, I am complicit in your suffering. I only meant to show you that you reached me.
That is all any of us meant. We stand in your service, yet do we even begin to do right by you? I promise that we try...and sometimes we fail. We labor on, either way, in hopes to learn something, I suppose....most likely about ourselves.
Self-awareness is difficult enough in the most normative circumstances. What happens to it when surrounded by both laudatory messages and occasional disdain? Does the external overrun the ever-poignant internal? Or does one go about their lives with little alteration or adaptation? Does your self become lost in the translation? I know mine does, from time-to-time, then I am required to find myself again, get right, and move forward.
I can only speak for myself in exploring these thoughts. I know I do often, as I balance the world of 'fandom' with the tactile reality in which I exist outside of it. Perhaps this explains why I can't get a Kate Bush song out of my head lately.....always running up the hill in my mind, and occasionally wishing I could successfully run up the hill for someone else for a moment.
c.P 2012
photos: Flickr-Gotye
I’ve always thought that a large part of fandom requires both restraint and respect to the extent of actively wanting the artist you admire to have enough personal space, private time, and mentally-uninterrupted moments to simply be a human being and not some idolized and objectified totem. We often take our prosaic, even “dull” lives for granted but I think privacy is one of those things that you don’t truly appreciate until it’s gone (even those who already cling to privacy and introversion).
ReplyDeleteI confess that when I saw those added tour dates, I shuddered…I felt bad that Wally wasn’t getting some “days off” between gigs and was trotting from show to show, stage to stage, state to state. When will he create new music? When will he create a space for himself, outside “the artist”? When will he be able to let things soak in, to breathe normally, to simply escape all responsibilities that, in the long run, are probably trivial in comparison to personal and mental health?
I think of how an amazing number of writers—well-known ones particularly—who hate fan mail, won’t respond to it, or, if they do, will write a snippy line of prose to the effect of “I don’t have time for your fan mail: I need to spend my writing time WRITING.” Somehow, most writers seem to manage to eschew celebrity (that is our culture, I guess), but it’s different for musicians, actors, athletes, and the like.
I’m certain Wally knows better than I do on how to manage his time, tour, and talents—but if I can put in my two cents’ worth, and ever hope he reads this, I’d beg him to go into hiding in some remote region of the world once the next tour is over, rest (heck, go into Rip Van Winkle mode), and write new music. A month of meditation and personal reflection will inspire more creativity than a year (or two or three) of tiny bursts of writing here and there, snatching and grabbing at fading-sparks of moments that are gone before you’ve managed to catch them.
I think it's a fine line we walk as a fan. It's easy to forget that we are but one voice in a throng of many to the one we admire. I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be to face the buzz of all of our voices trying to be heard.
ReplyDeleteI hope that the buzz of our voices does not keep Wally from enjoying his success or keep him from creating more of his wonderful music. For his sake as well as for ours. It would be such a shame if that happened.
I'd like to think that the pull or need to create music and the joy of performing the music outweighs the negative aspects of fame and celebrity.
Well-said, Denise. It certainly must be a tricky balancing-act, trying to please others and stay true to the self. Of course, everyone faces such situations (how often we try to please our friends and family and even forget ourselves in the process at times!)—but not everyone also has to face public scrutiny.
DeleteI hope he remembers that as much as fans appreciate him (and we do), at the end of the day, it's about appreciating himself--and staying true to himself--too.